blog4 revised essay
In the article, Kalle Lazn the author says that advertisement are common and that it pollutes our minds each day that we live our life’s. Kale list some examples that commercial pollution floods our brain at the rate of about thousand marketing messages per day. Also that company executive call the little monitors “the most powerful micromarketing medium available today. The author kale lasn ends by saying that anywhere your eyes can possibly come to rest is now a place that in cooperate America’s view and ought to be filled with a logo or product message.
In the article hype I can relate by what kale lazn the author is saying about advertisement. I see it in every day life on tv, radios, and ads that I see on the train and buses. As people go about there daily lifes this is what helps marketing company promote in getting people to buy stuff . yes I can agree with kale when she says “the increase in commercial advertising has happened so steadily and relentlessly that we haven’t quite woken up to the absurdity.
Eliot you started the article by stated or quoting what the author (Kalle Lasn) said. You did not give a main idea. The main idea should be what did you understand in the reading or stated in your own words. You are letting the author know that you understand the reading and that you are cable to re write it in your own words. Without the main idea you have no summary or essay, basically this is call plagiarism. Plagiarism is copying word from word from the author and not putting it in your own words.
ReplyDeleteYou started to relate to the author in your second paragraph, which was great but you did not give supporting details. For example you said you see it in everyday life on television, radios, and ads. You should have took that a give and example of your own experience. In the article "Hype Kalle Lasn relate her own experience with the Oscar Myer weenier.
You should have wrote more and clearly explain how much you understand what you have read. I feel like you did not comprehend the reading, so therefor you couldn't right as much. I suggest when you read to make an quick outline of the what you read. An outline is easy just jot down some main ideas and supportive details. I also suggest that you should be careful on how to quote the author. Overall keep practicing and I believe your writing skills will improve.
Writing your comment
ReplyDelete1- what was done correctly?
It was okay, but he could provide more details or examples to demonstrate his claim.
2- What was done incorrectly or was confusing.
It was not confusing, it was understandable, but the only in correction I was noticed he did not explain the statement in his own words.
3- Suggests how to fix the most important problems. Be as specific as possible with concrete suggestions.
I would suggest to read the entire passage and take notes for the main ideas in order to support your claim.
In the first paragragh the writter stated what the author believe. What she did correctly was to use quotation marks but didn’t close what the writter grab the information. For example, “the most powerful micromarketing medium available today. The writter used some important info but other where unesecary information . The writer summery was in a diffent paragraph based on what she has summerized. The writter opinion is on the on the second paragrah, last sentence where the writter stated they agree with kale when she say” the increase in commercial advertising has happened so steadialy and relentesly that we havent quite woken up to the aburdity.
ReplyDeleteThe correct thing the writter has done was stated a summery and used information from the article. There was one incorrelty thing the writter has done, was to use her quotation marksand use 2-3sentence of a summery based on the article you read and then put wat you agree or disagree with the atricle If you didn’t quote this, it would have been plagiarism. Evertime you get a sentence that is out from the aricle and you don’t parapherase it you would need to use a quotation marks. I see it in every day life on tv, radios, and ads that I see on the train and buses.